DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
