I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
