I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
