She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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