what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
