Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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