It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
