"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
