Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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