I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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