Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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