Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
