Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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