he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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