Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
