I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
