whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
