my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
