If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
