My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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