I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
