so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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