it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
