No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
