i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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