I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
