i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
