this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
