yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
