I could make wine with my vomit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
