Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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