I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
