I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
