someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
