Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
