Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
