After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
