there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
