I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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