OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
