new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Congratulations! We have a period
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
