This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
