i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
