Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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