For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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