I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize