So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
