Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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