Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
