If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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