I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
