All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
