chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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