she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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