Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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