I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
