You work out of a Hotel?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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