and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
