im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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