Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
