Will you blow on my dice?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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