hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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