I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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