how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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