Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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