I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
