i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Operation Purity has been aborted
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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