4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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